this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
