if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
