We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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