If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
