im drinking this country out of the recession.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
