what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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