my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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