fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
