I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
