I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
