Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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