Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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