dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Never underestimate the power of titties
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
