Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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