you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I am midnight drunk by noon
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
