I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
