You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
