im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
