my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
