I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
