Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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