Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
