I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
