If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
