I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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