Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
