I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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