My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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