allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Is Oprah even human
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
