Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
