just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
