Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
