pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
