um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
