a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
