i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
what is it with giant penises always finding me
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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