maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
