my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
