this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
