sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
