I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
