She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
