Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
