I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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