pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
