Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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