Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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