i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
