I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
