Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
