After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
