Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
