i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
