I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
